Why I choose you for my life?

 

You know why I choose you for my life,

It is quite surprising and interesting too.

In the crowded world, full of choices and options,

Why you become my choice?

It was because of some simple reasons and some no reasons,

It was because you were complementary to me,

 you complete me and I completed you.

You possessed what I lacked,

And I possessed what you lacked.

I saw you as another part of me

And me as another part of you.

You had many similarities with me

Somehow different from others and original.

You were too religious and conforming

And I didn’t have much to do with religions and was non-conforming.

You always used to get angry 😡 and shoot

But I never lose my calmness and remained silent.

You were a little less caring

But I was highly caring.

You used to weep and cry

But I always act wisely.

Whenever you get into any problem

I remained stable and helped you come out of it.

You used to fight frequently

But I always handled it patiently.

You always took quick and emotional decisions in life

But I never did that.

Sometimes you lose your hopes

But I never let the hopes die.

Whenever I faced any problem

You helped me come out of that.

You never hide anything from me

But I did hide, just not to make you weep.

You were a part of my stories, my dreams

I was a part of your life’s themes.

You did what I cannot do

And I did what you cannot do.

We were brought up differently in different cultures

But you always see what I am, and I always see what you are.

There were so many created differences

But we never let the differences come in between.

I accepted what you were, and you accepted what I was.

If sometimes I got struck in problems

You come and helped me, and I did the same for you.

It was like you were born for me and I was born for you

I live inside you and you lived inside me.

I had a lot of plans for life and you were always with me

I always see you with me, imagine you with me, dreamed you with me.

Now we met to an end 🔚

Where you become “you” and I become “me”.

Changed life, changed paths, changed destination

This is what now I can see.

Whatever it is, let it be,

You were my choice not a chance and throughout life you will be.

You went your way willingly or unwillingly,

I couldn’t ask you anything and let you go happily,

Nowadays, I am learning to live with me, “the lovely me”

                                                                             Unknown.

SITAARA AUR ROSHNI

                                                                  इम्तेहान

 

क्यूँ डरता है तू इस क़दर वक़्त से दोस्त

आदत है तेरी मुश्किलों को पार करना, ये भी महज़ एक इम्तेहान ही तो है”

माना की ज़िन्दगी में तेरी कुछ ग़म हैं परेशानियाँ हैं

तो ये मलाल कैसा, जहां है रेगिस्तान वहाँ हरा भरा गुलिस्तान भी तो है”

माना की रास्ता कठिन है और तू खड़ा है इस किनारे तोफानी दरया के

हिम्मत का पुल बना कर कर ले गा पार तू, और फिर उस पार अपना मकान भी तो है”

अभी कुछ वक़्त तो बेचैनी हो गी ही दोस्त, कुछ समझ न आएगा तेरे

सब्र कर आएगी बहार भी, ये चंद दिन का मौसम-ऐ-खज़ान(Autumn)ही तो है”

क्यूँ खयालों के जाल बुनता है, क्यूँ दिन रात सोचता है

कोई विरासत थोड़ी ही है ये दुनियाँ तेरी, तू चंद दिन का मेहमान ही तो है”

अब छोड़ भी दे ना, कितनी उम्मीद रखे गा उन से

उनकी भी तो ज़िन्दगी है, खवाहिशें हैं, आखिर वो भी एक इंसान ही तो है”

जोर लगाना है तो खुद पे लगा, दोष देना है तो खुद को दे

उस दरबार में फरयाद कैसी, अर्जी कैसी, जहां कोई सुनता तक नही, ऐसे दस्तूर-ऐ-अदल(justice system) से तू अयाँ भी तो है”

और फिर कहाँ खाली रहती है ज़मीन दोस्त, तू घबराता क्यूँ है

जहां देखो छत पे चादर सा तना आसमान भी तो है”

क्यूँ डरता है तू इस क़दर वक़्त से दोस्त

आदत है तेरी मुश्किलों को पार करना, ये भी महज़ एक इम्तेहान ही तो है”

Shafiq. 

                                           ************

 

Where does love go when external conditions changes?

 

True love has no opposite. If you love you cannot hate and vice versa. It is independent of external happenings, conditions, situations, decisions, people. If you have love you cannot do wrong, cannot act violently, out of your mind, you don’t blame, don’t blackmail emotionally, don’t get jealous or greedy but behave more calmly, responsibly, with wisdom, honesty and loyalty, acceptance of what you cannot change than to resist. Your love remain always with you irrespective of external conditions and phenomenon, it doesn’t depend upon people, bodies, theories and ideologies. It makes you strong to bear the losses, act with maturity, independently. There exist no give and take system in love, you do whatever you can without expectorations of similar treatment or rewards. Your happiness lies in the happiness of the one you love, you accept unconditionally his choices, decisions, likes and dislikes and help him in coming out of problems without getting himself disturbed or unstable.

In true relationships you act responsibly and rationally rather than emotionally because emotions are result of selfish unfulfillment and it blocks our mental reasoning ability and we start seeing the things through a single lens which is irrational. It is not possible that you love someone when he acts according to you and hate when he doesn’t act according to you, it is not love, it is more a business deal with conditions, benefits, agreements. Love is a beautiful experience and a state of mind in which you are free, independent, open, simple and stable, no ownership, care with consciousness. When you are in love, you love everything nature, birds, trees, rains, summers, winters, loneliness, companies etc. for it cannot be exclusive and selective. You accept the things by keeping yourself detached yet concerned without getting dissatisfied or disappointed.

Without being responsible, contented, calm, stable, rational, independent, wise etc. you cannot be in a relationship called love or friendship. And the fact is that “love is not easy”.what we see around ourselves are the romantic relationships, drowned in dependencies, addictions, needs, incompleteness, hollowness, result of fashions and trends, longings and permanence.

                                                        ******************

 

बच्चा

मेरे अन्दर एक छोटा सा बच्चा रहता है जो असल में मेरा ही एक रूप है, मासूम सा है, प्यारा सा है लेकिन बहुत ज्यादा जिद्दी  है, बहुत रोता है, कभी कभी हँसता भी है. आजकल वो कुछ ज्यादा ही जिद्दी हो गया  है| बहुत तंग करने लग गया है, वो चीज़ें मांगता है जो मैं उससे कभी नहीं ला के दे सकता, जो मेरे हाथ में नहीं है, मगर वो समझता ही नहीं, दिलासा दे कर मैं उससे सुला तो देता हूँ पर ज्यादा देर सो नहीं पाता, देर में सोता है और सुबह बहुत जल्दी उठ जाता है और वही जिद्द  करने लग जाता है| न खुद सोता है न मुझे सोने देता है, न खुद अछे से खाता है न मुझे कुछ खाने देता है, बस मुसलसल जिद किये जा रहा है|

बहला फिसला कर मैं  उसको सुभे-शाम घुमाने ले जाता हूँ आजकल, अलग अलग पेड़ दिखाता  हूँ जंगल में, परिंदे दिखाता हूँ  और तब वो थोड़ा खुश रहता है और भूला रहता है, मुझ से बहुत सवाल पूछता है, ऐसे ऐसे सवाल की जिनके जवाब मेरे पास भी नहीं हैं, कभी कुछ बताता हूँ मैं और कभी टाल देता हूँ मगर उसके मासूम सवाल खत्म नहीं होते, बच्चा है ना? इसलिए बहुत से सवाल पूछता है जो की हम बड़े नहीं पूछते, क्यूंकि हम तो ज्यादा समझदार होगये हैं ना . क्या करों उससे दुनियादारी अभी पता नहीं है और ना मैं उससे बताना चाहता हूँ. उसके सवाल उसको जिंदा रखे हुए हैं| और  कुछ पसंद भी तो नहीं आता उसको.

समझ नहीं आता उसके जवाब कहाँ से ढूंड के लाऊँ, या जवाब दूं भी की नहीं, पर वो मेरा वक़्त खराब बहुत करता है, मैं दुन्यादार  हूँ न, वक़्त का बड़ा पक्का हूँ, समाज, परिवार का हिस्सा हूँ , उनके कहे पे चलता हूँ, सिस्टम से डरता हूँ, अनुशासित रहता हूँ की अगर कुछ गलत कर  दूंगा तो लोग क्या  सोचेंगे, किसी की परवाह क्यूँ करूं मैं, मुझे किसी से क्या मतलब. मगर उससे अभी इन सब महान कामों का इल्म नहीं है न, वो किसी को मानता नहीं है, जो उससे सही लगता है,करता है बिना किसी की परवाह किये हुए,

क्या करूं समझ नहीं आता, कभी लगता है की उससे डरा धमका कर चुप करवा दूं, लेकिन फिर ये भी तो डर लगता है की वो झूट बोलना सीख जायेगा, जो महसूस करेगा वो साँझा नहीं करेगा, चोरी करने लग जायेगा, दूसरों जैसा होजाये गा, समाज का, वक़्त का मुहताज होजाये गा, अपने फैसले नहीं ले पायेगा मेरी तरह, बस आज्ञाकारी  बन जायेगा, रोना भूल जायेगा, अपना असलीपन छुपायेगा| फिर तो बच्चा मर जायेगा न, जैसे हम बड़ा होकर खुद को  मार देते हैं और दुनियाँ में कहीं खो जाते है, बदल जाते हैं. नहीं, मुझे इस बच्चे को जिंदा रखना है, कितना ही तंग करेगा आखिर मैं सह लूँगा पर इससे मैं जिंदा रखूंगा| शायद ये मुझे अपने बड़े होने पर, समझदार होने पर, दूसरों की नज़र  में अच्छा होने पर, मुआज़ज़ होंने पर सवाल उठाने का मौक़ा देता रहे. मैंने कितने ही बच्चों को बड़ा होते देखा है, मासूमियत खोते  देखा है|

 

Ek Faryaad

 

Hey friend! You went your way years ago and left me alone, but I never accepted that and find you always with me, in my happy as well as sad moments of life. Whenever I felt helpless and alone you always come and hold my hand and push me to move ahead, whenever I struck in confusions you come and consoled me like mother and helped me took decisions. I always find you on my right side in the journey of life, you are so intimate in me that I never searched for friends, whenever I felt need to discuss I sit alone and talked to you, I laughed, I cried with you when need comes. You know I argue with you, fight with you, get angry with you as if you are in front of me or with in me. You always remain an important part of my imaginations, stories and poems, celebrations and mourning. You left me physically, but I never let you go away from me, not because I am possessive or selfish but because you are part of my existence, my initial memories, my principles, my life. You know I visited you every day where you are laid to rest, shared everything with you, about my studies, people etc. even today whenever I come home and look at my village I feel you waving at me and welcoming me. I love children, play, mock and eat with them wherever I go because I see you in each child.

You used to say “ke saathi tussi risk len de bade shoqeen ho, eh risk har velle changi nhi hondi, kidre kalle hogye te mushkil vich pe jaogey” (dear you are fond of taking risks, taking risk is not always good, it can put you in problem someday being alone). I was always fond of doing things which were prohibited by social masters, used to sit with people who were considered low, visit different religious places etc. Doing things others afraid of doing, this attitude made me fearless, less obedient, open and sensitive, live with dignity and in minimum.

Years later I found an idiot just like you, I thought I found you again, he was so pure in thoughts and actions, true, innocent, humble, sensitive, humane, caring, crazy, a bit fool but wise just like you and me, open like a book, generous like a river. I resisted a lot, but he made a place inside me just alongside you. My world gets expanded a little. You urged me that come on take this beautiful risk and I did. Life become so different, more meaningful, more energetic. He too become part of my life as much as you are, part of my poems, imagination as if he is born with us and he is our childhood saathi. He come as close as breathe and heartbeat but see what happened, he also moved away because time and conditions (controlled by others) demanded so. He doesn’t even ask me before leaving just like you, I don’t know why he pretends to be so. I think time, external atmosphere, social stigmas, social responsibilities have changed him. I never considered him different from me but now he says that we are different because he saw the world with the lens of biased society, what can I do than to accept silently.

Saathi once again I must bear this truth and learn to live, I am lost in thoughts once again, I am left with a void again which is actually a mental creation, find everything shattered and destroyed, for days I couldn’t sleep, eat, feel, could not cry as if all the tears are oozed away from eyes. You know, I couldn’t laugh years after you left, I didn’t celebrated my birthday since then but I did celebrate yours, stopped visiting functions, divorced the worldly gods, but now I am able to recover myself day by day, I am more responsible and rational now.

Tell me who is fool? You both or me. I think I am fool; you both are wise and clever. Because I am selfless and both of you are idiots. Though I have no expectations, longings or greed I am not going to accept it. You both will remain with me throughout the life, I will remember you both in my memoirs, poems and imaginations as you both rest in me. I will always find you both on each side of me, walking hand in hand, I will continue fighting with you. No one will ever replace you as I am saturated now and don’t have valence electron for reaction.

Time and he has forced me to accept the outdated social norms and his decision, but I will never leave the path of truth, shall be ready to fight with even my dear ones for what is universally true and right. I will always stay on my words. I will advocate individual liberty and freedom over collective and illusive freedom. For I believe happy individuals make happy and rational societies not patriarchal social norms can.  I will not compromise at least while taking my decisions of life. True relationships are free of emotional blackmails and games.

See, my disobedience, risky nature, exceptional outlook, liberal approach, principled life has rewarded me but my belief in self and truth will always keep me charged and motivated. You both idiots are not trustworthy, I don’t want to even hate you because those who really love can never hate. Hey saathi! Promise that you will never force me to do all this ever again in life as I am tired now and want to work on real issues and I hope you will help me. see you.

                                              

                                            **************

 

Are we free?

 

We are not free. As an individual we have no existence. No choice, no way, no space, no value. If we have something it is collective in nature, “the collective wellbeing and happiness”. We are social beings you know? We are inter-woven in relationships, in families, in biradaris, in cults, in groups etc. we have our cultures and traditions, dos and don’ts, we are dependent throughout our lives on these forces. Our decisions hold no value, no place, no significance, our decisions are taken collectively by others and then we are consulted for consensus with no other choice but to accept. Decisions are taken not by keeping the individual happiness and freedom in mind but by elders of families who rarely consult the person whose fate is being decided.

 We are brought up and nurtured since our childhood to be obedient always, accept what elder says, don’t go against them and accept everything you are asked to. Parents give birth to us, nurture us, brought us up, care for us, invest on our education and certainly they want us to live a happy life ahead, they claim they love us so they take decisions of our lives, if you accept their decisions you are revered as obedient and good, you get a lot of blessings and wishes in return because you have accepted their decisions, but if you question their decisions and seek consideration of what you like or dislike the whole story took a drastic change. 

The reward of what they have done for us become prime demand then, the emotional part of the story sets in and it changes the minds of people and they accept what is decided for them. We don’t realize this because we are always told to become obedient and we think this is the only right thing to do.

The parents always want that their children should do what they and society as well family approve of. There exists a very beautiful yet illusive concept of family respect and fame which is dependent solely on others (people around). We are always warned don’t do this “what the people will say” we don’t think about reality but about fake perceptions of people, we are always scared of defamation of the fame which is a matter of question. Parents always wants to maintain status quo as society around demand it. You can be a good human being but if you don’t fit the criteria of society, you are ineligible to be accepted in the society. Our religious rituals and scripts forbid such kind of actions which go against the status quo. There is no scope of individual freedom, we are taught to become so obedient that we become ready to sacrifice every happiness of ours for fake and sometimes hollow identities and fames.

                                                    *************

 

 Love and Religion

Love is also like a religion; both are illusionary in nature. In both the systems there exists a god which is unseen, unknown, unidentified, nothing more than an imagination. Both breed hopes and expectations which remain unfulfilled. We worship, we develop faith, we perform rituals in religions and so we do in so called love. Words are so powerful that we never reach up to the reality and live throughout the life in illusions or sometimes we know the reality but we are afraid of accepting the reality and the life goes on and we meet the ends one day-unknown, unclear,  pretend to be satisfied but actually ignored.

Come on, don’t believe in such systems or if you want to, be careful and cautious. Belief develop faith, faith brings hopes and expectations, recognitions and acknowledgements, these things breeds fear and dependency. We associate our everything with our faith. We become afraid of losing the illusion, we become afraid of facing the reality, because reality and truth are hard to bear, you get broken after knowing the reality of your faith, left of nowhere, you feel all alone in the whole universe.

Come on, accept the reality and truth and learn to live with it. Learn not to believe in everyone, not to expect anything from anyone, learn not to believe in words and statements which are copied, meaningless and temporary. Learn to live with yourself away from the needy world. Come on, face the bitter truth, learn not to commit same mistakes, laugh at yourself and move away. Nothing has changed, you are still complete in yourself, you are on the right path of learning, just keep moving.

One of the biggest drawbacks of such setbacks is lack of trust for others. you become ambiguous and don’t trust others. come on, trust others as well as doubt others as much as you do with yourself.

 

Oh Lord!

Oh lord! Let me live the life again

Let me born again, let me grow again, let me play again, let me bloom again.

Oh lord! I am afraid of losing the things I never owned

Help me grow again, strengthen me again, I want to fly again.

Oh lord! Help me live alone, in my own world where no one come and go

I am afraid of your dangerous world, let me not face this needy world again.

Oh lord! I have a huge storage of memories which haunt me again and again

I want to forget everything, let me live like a newborn child again.

Oh lord! I don’t want to believe in words which are hollow and meaningless

Help me live a life free of pain, free of fake relationships, let me learn to laugh again

Oh lord! I have almost lost my way, I am on the verge of destruction

Help me find a way in wilderness, help me construct myself again

Oh lord! I did a mistake and I suffered a lot, I cried a lot, I cursed a lot

Help me forgive myself for the mistake I made, I will never do it again.

Oh lord! I have no complaint with anybody, but my time went in vain

Help me reach my destination, help me forget my pain.

Oh lord! It was all accidental and incidental, without a plan

Help me realize my potential again, I don’t want to lose again.

Oh lord! I was happy alone, I want to live alone

Bless me with my aloneness, I don’t want such companions again

Oh lord! I cannot tell anyone what is going on with me, since years my friend left me alone

Help me get out of this agony once again, I don’t want to die again

Oh lord! I have lost the trust in humanity, I have lost the trust in words

Help me build trust in myself again, help me go to my world again.

Oh lord! I don’t want to waste my life in vain, I don’t have too much time left

Help me climb on the mountain again, I want to win again.

Oh lord! I couldn’t see my face in the mirror, I couldn’t face myself

Help me prove that I am innocent, I reiterate again and again.

Oh lord! Please forgive me, let me forget everything I attained

I want to live free, free of the mental chains.

Oh lord! Let not me forget my smile again

I want to laugh and smile, help me live again.

 

***************

ped aur daali(twig and tree).

 

khud se dushmani