Invisible sacrifices

 

 

As an individual or as a part of societies, families, institutions we give several sacrifices. Sometimes in the name of love, duties and other times to save the so-called reputation and respect(izzat) of our families, institutions and communities.

We sacrifice our lives and accept what is accepted in social pattern, society convince us that doing this is our prime duty. We sacrifice our happiness, our lives and our futures for an imaginary and fictious concept of reputation, respect and social duty.

Irony is that we suffer and accept the patterns of societies and when we grow up and become parents or respected members of society we demand the same from our children, in spite of our sufferings we don’t understand and follow the set patterns.

I often imagine that in this whole drama, we almost forget the individual liberty and freedom of choice which are basics to any developed and civilized society. We conform to the lives which are ruled by others, who have very less or no psychological understandings of ours.

Many people accept the decisions taken by others about their lives and they accept it as god’s will and suffer throughout their lives but never deny or speak out against it. Because, they are made to believe that questioning and denial of the decisions will ruin their family’s reputation and family set-up. Our common dialogue “what the people will think about us?”, “what the people will say?”, “we will be left of nowhere” etc.

In short, we sacrifice our lesser goods for larger goods of societies, and we are trained to do this since our childhood and throughout our lives.

But we don’t understand that this “lesser good” is what the most valuable thing is, the freedom and the liberty of an individual to live in one’s own way, the freedom to chose or to reject, the freedom to question, the freedom to take decisions.

After all, individuals are the basics units of societies, families, institutions, thus their well-being is the well-being of societies, families and institutions as well.

But all the systems want to maintain the status quo and this status quo is the root of all restrictions, bans and sanctions.

All say that this is the love they had for their children, what ever they do, they do for the well being and bright future of theirs, so that their children can live a happy life ahead and if their children will live happily the guardians, parents and relatives will also remain happy and satisfied. Another thing which is very commonly we hear is "to listen to the parents and accept their decisions is the duty of children, for parents have done a lot for them through out their lives and now is the turn of children to repay by accepting their decisions and demands.

we have a very little say in almost all important decisions taken in our lives, because we are consulted for formality only after the decisions been already taken. Majority of these decisions fail, but no body talk about it, when you suffer, the people who took decisions of your life are not more than stranger for you . you have to compromise and adjust with the situations arising to keep the processes going because you are left with no other options. some people show bravery and live independent life by taking their own decisions but they face a lot of visible and invisible problems and stigmas and they are portrayed as bad examples instead. 

Elders should show the love they have for children, for youths but they should question themselves that is that love or an act of selfishness in the name of love? The biggest thing the parents should do is-to develop the capability in them to take good decisions on their own and be part of their decisions, talk to them as friends , try to find what is going on in their lives, help them come out of traumas instead of imposing sanctions, try to understand their choices, likes and dislikes, aims and ambitions, be part of their lives, ups and downs as well. This is what children need from elders, for this is their primary need.

Then why anybody will end his/her life by committing suicides?, why couples will elope without the will of their parents and will plead for their security and lives?, why anybody will have to live a compromised and bonded life and adjust to the situations? why will anybody have to sacrifice his life in the name of order, obedience, respect, religious and social obligations? 

Elders should show the love and understand the very essence of it before staking claims and putting sanctions, for everybody's life matter.

                                                      ***********

 

                          The race with no target or aim

Human relationships in todays world are not more than choosing and buying vegetables from a stall, all vegetable looks colorful and push you in the illusion of choosing and not-choosing. What you do, for the time being you chose some but you are not satisfied, so you keep searching and changing choices as per your conveniences as the market has a lot of choices, then with time, things grew old and then you go in the search of new one and this goes on further. 

It looks that these days humans in the relations are not more than mere “objects”, you like and keep them with you if they are meeting your demands, and you abandon otherwise. Seeing all this happening around, it is very difficult to find true relationships which are humane, driven by unconditional love, trust and truth, stability and satisfaction, care and affection, acceptance, the realization of completeness. We have made the human  relationships just loss and benefits statements, showy, fake, an opportunity to fulfil the greed, a status symbols etc. 

Then we complain that the world is full of bad people, but we never question that we too have a role in the creation of this bad world and bad people. Have we ever questioned ourselves that what we seek from others? Do we have those qualities which we wish to see in others? Do we have the purity of thoughts? Do we respect the feelings and inter-personal emotions of others?

Perhaps, we don’t question and keep running in the search of a best one without knowing the very definition of the “best” that is why with time, “best become test”. I often remain confused and could not convince myself about these human relationships, illusionary claims and conflicts.

Ultimately human greed has no limit and is one of the most important reason of developing such kind of system. The need of the time is to understand yourself, the theories behind your likes and dislikes, rejections and acceptance, conflicts and fights as well. Otherwise it will be very difficult to trust one another, to enjoy the richness of human relationships, the co-existence and ultimately the potential of humane and true relationships. After all, we are human beings and being true to oneself and to others does hold some value.

                                                                                                      Inspired by events.

 

                                                               Ek shikayat 

I don’t know why you left us so early? Untold, uninformed, silently. You know, you promised that “we will grow young and you will grow old together, we will celebrate together, we will mourn together”. You were a great friend of us than an elder of us, we argued with you, fought with you, laughed with you. You were as generous as sun, you were as humble as mother, you were as calm as water in a lake, you never returned anyone hopeless who ever come to seek help from you. We have shared memories with you of our childhood, prayer grounds, classrooms, exams and results. You were among those who appreciated as well as guided us in difficulties.

You were the one who welcomed us on our returns with open arms and a priceless smile, you celebrated our achievements and encouraged on our failures. You taught us the values of oneness, love, patience, courage, acceptance and mutual respect by your actions rather than instructions. We learnt the value and greatness of friendship from you. Whatever remained the conditions(good or bad) you never lose hope and come out of all the hurdles.

But we will always complain that you left us untold and silently, you broke your promise. Had you told us once, we would have broken all the barriers to reach to see you once.  No doubt you have disappeared physically but we can see you everywhere around us, your memories and teachings will always remain with us, your memories will welcome us and bid goodbye to us, we will always remember you on all occasions of our lives. But the space that you have vacated will always remain empty, our eyes will search you everywhere just not to find you anywhere.

          

                         पेहचान

 

 

हम ने कब कहा की तुम हमारी पेहचान बनो 

तुम अपनी ही पेहचान हो, अपनी ही पेहचान रहो

मगर जो तुम सच में हो, व्ही  रहो.

 

कल किसी को देख कर खुद को बदला था

आज किसी और को देख के बदलो गे

तुम फिर, तुम कहाँ रहे

तुम ने तो खुद को खो दिया.

 

तुम जैसे हो वैसे ही रहो

किसी को पसंद आओ या ना आओ

कम से कम जो हो असली तो हो.