Ek Faryaad

 

Hey friend! You went your way years ago and left me alone, but I never accepted that and find you always with me, in my happy as well as sad moments of life. Whenever I felt helpless and alone you always come and hold my hand and push me to move ahead, whenever I struck in confusions you come and consoled me like mother and helped me took decisions. I always find you on my right side in the journey of life, you are so intimate in me that I never searched for friends, whenever I felt need to discuss I sit alone and talked to you, I laughed, I cried with you when need comes. You know I argue with you, fight with you, get angry with you as if you are in front of me or with in me. You always remain an important part of my imaginations, stories and poems, celebrations and mourning. You left me physically, but I never let you go away from me, not because I am possessive or selfish but because you are part of my existence, my initial memories, my principles, my life. You know I visited you every day where you are laid to rest, shared everything with you, about my studies, people etc. even today whenever I come home and look at my village I feel you waving at me and welcoming me. I love children, play, mock and eat with them wherever I go because I see you in each child.

You used to say “ke saathi tussi risk len de bade shoqeen ho, eh risk har velle changi nhi hondi, kidre kalle hogye te mushkil vich pe jaogey” (dear you are fond of taking risks, taking risk is not always good, it can put you in problem someday being alone). I was always fond of doing things which were prohibited by social masters, used to sit with people who were considered low, visit different religious places etc. Doing things others afraid of doing, this attitude made me fearless, less obedient, open and sensitive, live with dignity and in minimum.

Years later I found an idiot just like you, I thought I found you again, he was so pure in thoughts and actions, true, innocent, humble, sensitive, humane, caring, crazy, a bit fool but wise just like you and me, open like a book, generous like a river. I resisted a lot, but he made a place inside me just alongside you. My world gets expanded a little. You urged me that come on take this beautiful risk and I did. Life become so different, more meaningful, more energetic. He too become part of my life as much as you are, part of my poems, imagination as if he is born with us and he is our childhood saathi. He come as close as breathe and heartbeat but see what happened, he also moved away because time and conditions (controlled by others) demanded so. He doesn’t even ask me before leaving just like you, I don’t know why he pretends to be so. I think time, external atmosphere, social stigmas, social responsibilities have changed him. I never considered him different from me but now he says that we are different because he saw the world with the lens of biased society, what can I do than to accept silently.

Saathi once again I must bear this truth and learn to live, I am lost in thoughts once again, I am left with a void again which is actually a mental creation, find everything shattered and destroyed, for days I couldn’t sleep, eat, feel, could not cry as if all the tears are oozed away from eyes. You know, I couldn’t laugh years after you left, I didn’t celebrated my birthday since then but I did celebrate yours, stopped visiting functions, divorced the worldly gods, but now I am able to recover myself day by day, I am more responsible and rational now.

Tell me who is fool? You both or me. I think I am fool; you both are wise and clever. Because I am selfless and both of you are idiots. Though I have no expectations, longings or greed I am not going to accept it. You both will remain with me throughout the life, I will remember you both in my memoirs, poems and imaginations as you both rest in me. I will always find you both on each side of me, walking hand in hand, I will continue fighting with you. No one will ever replace you as I am saturated now and don’t have valence electron for reaction.

Time and he has forced me to accept the outdated social norms and his decision, but I will never leave the path of truth, shall be ready to fight with even my dear ones for what is universally true and right. I will always stay on my words. I will advocate individual liberty and freedom over collective and illusive freedom. For I believe happy individuals make happy and rational societies not patriarchal social norms can.  I will not compromise at least while taking my decisions of life. True relationships are free of emotional blackmails and games.

See, my disobedience, risky nature, exceptional outlook, liberal approach, principled life has rewarded me but my belief in self and truth will always keep me charged and motivated. You both idiots are not trustworthy, I don’t want to even hate you because those who really love can never hate. Hey saathi! Promise that you will never force me to do all this ever again in life as I am tired now and want to work on real issues and I hope you will help me. see you.

                                              

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