A night with myself-26th June.

It was unplanned, unthought, and sudden. Went to see someone away from the residence, incidentally, phone went discharged (the poor old fellow that is), the dongle was not working too. I just put it in my bag and forget. The colleagues were involved in their games, chatting, calling, so on, someone told me to keep always a silent smile on the face so I did the same throughout, went to kitchen, chopped the onions, cleaned the utensils and got involved fully in cooking chicken for colleagues. It was nice that I was observing, feeling, and seeing the things very keenly and deeply as I was in meditation. everybody was chickling, speaking loudly and I was just silently smiling.

Once I cooked the dinner, I came out and sat there at a corner in front of fan, the room was saturated with cigarettes smoke thus I sat a place to avoid it. It was strange that I noticed and saw somethings in my colleagues which I never noticed earlier, everyone has a story to tell, everyone wants to win the debate, everyone was making stories and so on. I did not argue but just listened peacefully. They talked about n numbers of things, right from their married life to professional life. But I was just smiling.

As if I was in the state of self-control, I felt very light, very clear, very simple.

After dinner all went for sleep, we chose to sleep in the veranda from where I could saw the paddy field, so green and beautiful with little sound of the leaves. Two more people were lying by my both sides. They immediately fell asleep, I planned to read Socrates-philosophy, I opened my kindle device and started reading, it was a beautiful read, as I am in Athens (Greece) and I am seeing him in front of eyes. This is beauty of the clarity of the mind.

It was 2AM and I thought I must sleep then. I closed the device and tried to sleep, but I could not, I was so silent that I could hear different sounds around me, the sound of fan, leaves of the plants, some insects, some other unidentified sounds. I focused on my breathes, how I inhale and exhale the air and the gap that exist between the interval. I felt a deep emptiness in that gap. A deep silence. I kept focusing but one thought was continuously striking my mind, I avoided it but after some time I allowed that to come. I lived with that thought, tried to trace its origin and I found that it was originating from a past memory, out of a fear, out of an insecurity. After some time that thought was nowhere around.

I fell asleep and get up at 4:30AM, opened the gate and went to terrace, it was beautiful there, surrounded by trees and fields, silence everywhere excepts some birds. I sit there and tried to go deep inside myself. I find that number of things are continuously disturbing me. I felt a bit overloaded with those thoughts and sometimes I get lost in those thoughts. And thoughts are coming from memories and future imaginations, the present was empty, simple, and silent.

The whole journey was nice, I saw so many things on the way I never noticed, the river water produce different sounds at the same time, but rarely listened earlier. It was nice and a mindful journey. I will try to make my daily life likewise.

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