Invisible sacrifices

 

 

As an individual or as a part of societies, families, institutions we give several sacrifices. Sometimes in the name of love, duties and other times to save the so-called reputation and respect(izzat) of our families, institutions and communities.

We sacrifice our lives and accept what is accepted in social pattern, society convince us that doing this is our prime duty. We sacrifice our happiness, our lives and our futures for an imaginary and fictious concept of reputation, respect and social duty.

Irony is that we suffer and accept the patterns of societies and when we grow up and become parents or respected members of society we demand the same from our children, in spite of our sufferings we don’t understand and follow the set patterns.

I often imagine that in this whole drama, we almost forget the individual liberty and freedom of choice which are basics to any developed and civilized society. We conform to the lives which are ruled by others, who have very less or no psychological understandings of ours.

Many people accept the decisions taken by others about their lives and they accept it as god’s will and suffer throughout their lives but never deny or speak out against it. Because, they are made to believe that questioning and denial of the decisions will ruin their family’s reputation and family set-up. Our common dialogue “what the people will think about us?”, “what the people will say?”, “we will be left of nowhere” etc.

In short, we sacrifice our lesser goods for larger goods of societies, and we are trained to do this since our childhood and throughout our lives.

But we don’t understand that this “lesser good” is what the most valuable thing is, the freedom and the liberty of an individual to live in one’s own way, the freedom to chose or to reject, the freedom to question, the freedom to take decisions.

After all, individuals are the basics units of societies, families, institutions, thus their well-being is the well-being of societies, families and institutions as well.

But all the systems want to maintain the status quo and this status quo is the root of all restrictions, bans and sanctions.

All say that this is the love they had for their children, what ever they do, they do for the well being and bright future of theirs, so that their children can live a happy life ahead and if their children will live happily the guardians, parents and relatives will also remain happy and satisfied. Another thing which is very commonly we hear is "to listen to the parents and accept their decisions is the duty of children, for parents have done a lot for them through out their lives and now is the turn of children to repay by accepting their decisions and demands.

we have a very little say in almost all important decisions taken in our lives, because we are consulted for formality only after the decisions been already taken. Majority of these decisions fail, but no body talk about it, when you suffer, the people who took decisions of your life are not more than stranger for you . you have to compromise and adjust with the situations arising to keep the processes going because you are left with no other options. some people show bravery and live independent life by taking their own decisions but they face a lot of visible and invisible problems and stigmas and they are portrayed as bad examples instead. 

Elders should show the love they have for children, for youths but they should question themselves that is that love or an act of selfishness in the name of love? The biggest thing the parents should do is-to develop the capability in them to take good decisions on their own and be part of their decisions, talk to them as friends , try to find what is going on in their lives, help them come out of traumas instead of imposing sanctions, try to understand their choices, likes and dislikes, aims and ambitions, be part of their lives, ups and downs as well. This is what children need from elders, for this is their primary need.

Then why anybody will end his/her life by committing suicides?, why couples will elope without the will of their parents and will plead for their security and lives?, why anybody will have to live a compromised and bonded life and adjust to the situations? why will anybody have to sacrifice his life in the name of order, obedience, respect, religious and social obligations? 

Elders should show the love and understand the very essence of it before staking claims and putting sanctions, for everybody's life matter.

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